This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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