I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
