in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
