You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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