Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
