My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
