I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he thought i was a dude.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
