You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
