its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
