i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
