It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
