Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she told me i tasted like america
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
