I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
