your thong is hanging out like whoa
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
