i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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