I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
