Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
