If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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