Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
