OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
