You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
