This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm both gender and math confused
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
