I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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