The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
