i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
