here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
How's work?
Spinning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
