just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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