He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
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