That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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