At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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