WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
