swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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