Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
