everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
