mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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