I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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