Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
nutella sex= disaster
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
