He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
