Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
