OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
