How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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