I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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