Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
