We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
