Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
