I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
time to smoke my breakfast
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
