Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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