he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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