What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
