I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
